Alaskan Diplomacy

President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin met today in what Trump described as a “very beautiful, very tremendous” peace summit for Ukraine — held, for reasons unclear, in a Bass Pro Shops parking lot in Anchorage.

“I picked Alaska because it’s neutral ground,” Trump explained. “Technically it used to be Russian, but we bought it, which means I have leverage. Plus, there’s no bad press here… unless the moose go woke.”

Putin arrived in a snowmobile convoy, immediately remarking on “how much of this land looks annexable.” Negotiations were briefly paused when he attempted to plant a Russian flag in a Costco parking island on the way to the meeting location.

The peace plan, which Trump called the “Trump-Utin Deal,” reportedly involves Ukraine “getting a ‘fantastic’ deal on golf resorts,” Russia “getting a little more than they asked for,” and Alaska “maybe going back to Russia if the poll numbers look good.”

When asked if either leader had spoken to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Trump waved it off. “We’ll send him a postcard. Maybe a coupon for half-off alaskan crab legs. That’s diplomacy.”

Local Alaskans expressed mixed feelings. “It’s surreal,” said one resident. “We came to watch them negotiate peace, but now I’m pretty sure we’re in the middle of an international real estate transaction while getting fishing supplies.”

Prior to the Meeting Russian Advisor, Kirill Dmitriev, made a post on X with a video and caption. “ Met a Bear in Alaska before the Summit, Hopefully its a good sign.”

Link to the Post is here: https://x.com/kadmitriev/status/1956385525264212072?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1956385525264212072%7Ctwgr%5E49e183119a354c0cd4024c09ce25fff65354f8d0%7Ctwcon%5Es1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fiframe.nbcnews.com%2FJ02sd0qa%3F_showcaption%3Dtrueapp%3D1