Biden, Foiled By Stairs Again

Unearthed Emails Reveal White House Scrapped Biden Ship Visit After Calculating Number Of Steps to Be an “insurmountable challenge”

Internal White House emails, leaked Monday the 12th by FOX News, revealed that in 2023 President Joe Biden’s planned visit to the USS Independence was abruptly canceled after aides determined the vessel’s steep gangway, narrow decks, and multiple ladders would require an “unpresidential” 42 steps.

“Upon review of the ship’s layout, it became clear that the visit would demand upwards of 42 steps in succession, which our safety models classify as a ‘medium-level mobility hazard,’” read one email from a staffer in the Office of Presidential Kinetics. “We have worked hard to maintain the President’s average daily stair count well below the 2021 incident threshold.”

Sources confirmed alternative plans were briefly considered, including airlifting Biden directly onto the ship’s captain’s chair or installing a temporary escalator, before ultimately scrapping the trip entirely in favor of a photo op in front of a poster of the USS Independence.

At press time, aides were reviewing a proposed visit to a local elementary school, pending an assessment of whether the building’s 2 front steps could be replaced with a gentle ramp with at max a 10% incline.