Nancy Pelosi Caught Scaring the Local Townsfolk

Nancy Pelosi Caught Scaring the Local Townsfolk
“She came out of nowhere... with her hands raised like she was still counting votes.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — On Saturday evening, local reports confirmed that the Smithsonian’s mummy exhibit had mysteriously vanished — and by Sunday morning, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was discovered wandering aimlessly through a Virginia pumpkin patch, terrifying families and demanding to know where the debt ceiling had gone.

“She rose up between the hay bales like some kind of possessed campaign ad,” said witness. “Her eyes were wide, twitching like she was proposing a new stimulus package, and she kept muttering something about ‘insider trading.’”

Sources say Pelosi emerged shortly after dusk, just as the moon hit the optimal gavel angle. Local children initially thought she was a seasonal animatronic but quickly realized something was off when she began grilling them about their healthcare providers.

“She asked if my 9-year-old was republican,” said bewildered father Rick Henderson. “Then she tried to enroll us all in AOC’s campaign”

Eyewitnesses say Pelosi was dressed in her signature suit, though slightly frayed at the edges and a scarf made entirely of old stimulus bills. In her hand, she held a reaper’s scythe and the ashes of a “Gore 2000” pin.

“We don’t know how she got out,” said one Smithsonian employee, “but we did find a note written on House stationery that said, ‘The local children were speaking out against term limits”

The Smithsonian has since reinforced the mummy exhibit with bipartisan-approved chains, though some fear it may not hold through midterm season.

Meanwhile, the pumpkin patch has been declared a Super PAC disaster zone and will be closed until further notice.