Trump’s Control of Union Station

On the morning of August 27th, Donald Trump sent out a notice to the nation via X in which he stated that “Union Station will now cease from operating under Amtrack and now will directly be controlled by his administration. This comes at a time in which the president has increased his direct control over the D.C area with the deployment of the National Guard. Experts predict the President will exercise his authority over the train system by :

1 Rename all of the trains which occupy the station in place of the President’s favorite train “Thomas.”

2 Appoint the ghost we collectively call Mitch McConnell as Sir Topham Hat

3 Keep track of derailings via his presidential train playset, with pieces too large to chew.

When the public was asked if these changes were positive the collective response was “It is still better than what you’ll find in an NYC 1 train.”